Archive for January, 2013

Saturday, January 1, 2011

So this is 2011; so full of possibilities…starting out with a heart full of joy.  This was my Facebook status for New Year’s Day.  We’re just part way through the restoration tour and so much has happened.

There’s so much still to do, but it doesn’t seem daunting at all.  On the contrary, it seems joyful and wonderful and I can’t wait to continue our journey forward.  We are learning, loving, and restoring as we go, with August 6th as our target.

I’m so glad North Point Church has Saturday services.  It’s going to be so amazing today to worship the Lord, who has made this all possible, on the first day of the new year with Ceecee and Angie by my side.

Friday, December 31, 2010

What a day for reflecting and being thankful.  What a day, period.  Make that, What a day, exclamation point!

It’s the last day of 2010 and I’m completely overwhelmed.  First of all, we’re back home.  We left a little early yesterday to race an oncoming winter storm.  It was moving from west to east and we didn’t want to take a chance on getting stuck, so we headed out and beat it back to Springfield.

It caught up to us after we got here and we’re pretty much snowed in, which is just the way we like it.  Our loft is right downtown, so if we need anything, we can walk down to the Bistro Market or any of the downtown eateries, but we’re warm, we have a great view, and we have everything we need.

Most importantly, we have each other, and a love that just keeps growing.  It keeps getting deeper and richer and I’m treasuring every moment of it.  Today Ceecee said I’m the peanut butter to her jelly.  That about sums it up, I guess.

It’s new year’s eve and when this year started, I had no idea that our marriage was nearly at its end.  I had pretty much been numb for so long, that I wouldn’t have known much of anything about what was going on in Ceecee’s heart or in her life.  I was just going through the motions most of the time because I wasn’t healthy and didn’t have any idea what to do.

Of course, the Spring was when our separation really began.  Ceecee hadn’t moved out yet, but she left me emotionally before she actually found her own place.  I spent the first few months trying to figure out how to stop it all from happening and the next few months changing, getting help, and learning to love her and winning her back.  By time school started, I had moved in to her place and we were gingerly putting the pieces back together.

The plan for the year we are calling the restoration tour was birthed then and it has gained momentum with each passing month.  There has been so much healing that I can’t possibly even attempt to chronicle it all here.  In the background, there is still pain and fear.  It comes from what we went through and some things we’re still dealing with, but it becomes less important as time separates us from it all more and more and we continue to make things new.

Today has been another one of those magical days – a fairy tale.  It’s the kind of day I had given up on.  Here I am though, living the dream.  I can’t take the credit.  It was God who brought this about and Ceecee’s heart that was willing to be changed to love again that’s made this possible.  This was both the worst and the best year of my life, if that makes any sense.  One thing is for certain.  I will never go back to the way things were.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Had a nice run through the streets of Dodge City this morning.  It’s one of our least favorite places for a plethora of reasons, but it’s where Ceecee’s Mom and Step-Dad live and close to my daughter as well.  We’ve hardly worked out or trained at all recently, so we decided we better do some running while we’re here.

Dodge City was where we lived when my spiritual decline really began.  We only moved there because we felt that God was calling us to.  We went through a painful church split and a number of other things that caused a lot of bitterness for me.  We were victims of numerous property crimes, had some falling out with people we had been close to, and got into financial difficulties with two houses that we owned.

Although it was wrong to do so, I blamed God and began to shut down.  I started shutting off my emotions toward Ceecee as well, although I didn’t entirely realize it.  We finally left and moved to Missouri as kind of a plea to be allowed to go and try to start over somewhere else.

This afternoon, we went walking downtown and through the old neighborhood.  We reminisced and romanced and it was wonderful to be in a place where we had gone through so much frustration and pain, but now had overcome it and were in such a different place, both literally and emotionally.  We had endured everything that had come against us and come out of it more in love and better people than we had been before.

Monday, December 27, 2010

 

Back in our beloved St. Louis.  We stopped to eat at Guido’s on The Hill, which we always enjoy.  It brought back so many good memories, but especially of the day while we were separated and we brought my daughter to St. Louis.  That was the day when we sat at Guido’s and Ceecee began to recall good memories from our past, not the painful and difficult ones she had been stuck on for so long before that.

We all laughed a  lot that day and it seemed like something had changed in the dynamics of our relationship.  Ceecee confirmed later that I was right and that she had indeed begun to entertain a little hope that day that maybe things could work out for us.

Tomorrow we hit the road again, going west this time.  We’ll be staying in Dodge City, Ks as the tour continues…

Saturday, December 25, 2010

 

Another of God’s little blessings as we woke up to a totally unexpected white Christmas this morning in Clarksville.  It was the perfect kind, with a very gently falling snow and just enough to look pretty without being enough to cause any disruption.  We’re just hanging out here with Ceecee’s family for a few days, eating good food and enjoying the hospitality.

Taylor called this morning.  He got to talk to us and to many of the relatives who are here.  A lot of them are former military, so they were able to encourage him and give him advice.  He seems to be doing so much better and is looking forward to his graduation.  He told us some things he wants us to bring.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The drive to Tennessee today was fun and uneventful.  We had a small Christmas this morning with just the two of us before we got on the road.  We opened our stockings (yes, Santa still fills them even with no kids in the house) and exchanged a few gifts.  Even that was part of the restoration tour as we exchanged cycling jerseys we had bought for each other.  The meaning in that gesture was something that only we would understand and it also kept us pointed toward next August’s Tour De Cox, the day we will also renew our vows as the culminating moment of the restoration tour.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Yesterday I made Irish stew for the first time and it was much better than I even imagined.  We just found a recipe and decided to give it a try.  It’s definitely a keeper!

The 12 days have been a real blessing this year.  Sometimes in the past, they have been stressful.  Money has been tight, or it’s been difficult to find things.  This year, I’ve really been able to sense God in all of it.  It’s been fun and so easy to find just the right gifts.