Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Today was just one of those days that got to me. I’m spending time with Brianna which is good, but I’ve had no communication with Ceecee, which is frustrating. I went to the gym tonight and just felt so alone. I tried to work out, but I couldn’t. I went in to one of the showers, turned the water up high and just sobbed. I was kind of afraid that someone would hear me, but I didn’t figure they could over the water.

I spent more time in prayer and came to a terribly painful place, but I know it’s the right place to be. I made the choice to let Ceecee go. Not to stop pursuing her or trying to win her back, but to let her make her choice. I don’t know what her plans are, or what’s going on in her heart and life, but I know that if she isn’t with me, she’ll have no problem finding someone else.

She could easily find someone younger, more attractive, and who makes more money than me. I’ve told her that. She just brushes it off, but she did say that I should be glad that she’s getting pretty good at saying no, because she gets hit on by guys all the time at work. She also tells me about guys who are trying to pick her up and how she doesn’t want that. I’m not sure why she tells me these things, but I just let her.

Anyway, I turned her over to God in my heart while I was praying. I told God – and meant it – that if I was never going to be able to make her happy and be the man she needs, that I would rather live without her and have her be happy with someone else.

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