Monday, June 14, 2010

Never imagined today could turn out the way it did. We joined a bike club here in Springfield because we heard that they had group rides for beginners and tonight was one of their cookouts, so we showed up. Everyone ignored us and it seemed totally disorganized, so after a little while, we just left.

We were hungry and in a bad mood, so we stopped at a deli to get something to eat. While we were eating, Ceecee said she thought maybe we needed a separation. She said that we just seemed to be stuck and that something needed to change to get us out of where we were. She said she felt friendship toward me, but that was all, and she wondered if spending some time apart would make things more clear.

Of course, I was devastated and totally against the idea, but I mostly just listened and didn’t know what to say. I never thought it could come to this. I don’t know what to think. Apparently, she’s already been thinking about this, because she told me that she had priced some downtown apartments and some were affordable. I just said that we needed to sleep on it and could we talk about it again another day. Tomorrow is her first day at Dillard’s and everything is changing so fast. Am I losing her?

She wasn’t angry when she talked about it, or even emotional at all. She was just calm and rational, like she’s thought this through and it doesn’t bother her. What’s crazy is that she actually seemed hopeful, like separating could be a good thing. I couldn’t tell if she really meant that maybe it could be a path for us to work things out, or if she really just wants out of the marriage and hopes that if we split up that I will just let her go.

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