Archive for May, 2012

Wednesday, March 31. 2010

I’m really starting to get concerned. Ceecee goes through phases where she’s upset for a while, but it usually only lasts a couple of days and everything goes back to normal. This has been going on for quite a bit longer and she doesn’t seem to be snapping out of it. I don’t know what to do. When Taylor comes home, a lot of the time he asks, “Is Mom in a bad mood today?” If the answer is yes, he pretty much hides out in his room. He’s been spending a lot of time there lately.

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Monday, March 29, 2010

Rough day today. Ceecee is angry at the world, it seems. Taylor and I are tiptoeing around trying not to get in her way. Taylor is her son from a previous relationship, so he’s my stepson. He lives with us and is in his senior year in high school. Ceecee really hates her job right now, so I suppose that’s where her frustration is coming from. She’s a paraprofessional at the same junior high school where I teach. That’s a fancy word for a teacher’s aide, and she works with the behavior disordered special ed. kids. The worst of the worst. That would wear on anyone, I suppose, and she hardly gets paid anything.

I teach math and am pretty happy with my job overall. I’ve been teaching for 14 years and I really like it on most days. Not too many people are really in the career of their choosing, doing what they enjoy, so I feel blessed. I wish I could figure out what makes my wife so angry, but we’ve been through this before, so I’m sure it will pass. She’s going to Zumba with one of her girlfriends in a little while and that usually cheers her up.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

I took Ceecee to The Starting Block, a store for tri-athletes today. She is really excited about all this and wants to start training for what she calls “mini” triathlons. I don’t know what that means, but I support her and I bought her an expensive swimsuit to race in.

For some reason, she seems to have turned somewhat cold toward me in general. I know that work isn’t going well for her and she’s frustrated, but things at home are different.

It came on all of a sudden. We went to a resort in Branson over spring break called The Falls and it was supposed to be a really great time together, but it wasn’t quite what I expected. We had fun, but something just wasn’t right. Then, after we got back home, she just seemed to get angry and turn cold. I don’t know what I did, if anything, and she won’t talk about it. She just says she’s fine, but I know when a woman says that, it’s never that simple.

3 months earlier

Saturday, March 27, 2010

I’ve never been more proud of my wife than I was this morning. She ran a half marathon called the Frisco Line Run for Scouting today. It was her first ever half marathon and her longest distance run like this of any kind. It was amazing!

I showed up to watch and support her and I couldn’t believe all the different kinds of people. There were young, old, fat, thin, you name it, they were there. And what struck me was – they were all doing it. It really convicted and inspired me all at the same time. I wasn’t doing anything and haven’t been for a long time. I couldn’t help feeling rather pathetic as I saw all these people out here on a cold, windy day running 13.1 miles while I stood and watched.

Back when Ceecee and I first met, I was a fitness instructor at the local community college. We actually met somewhere else, but she enrolled in a fitness class and that was when we started getting to know each other. During the early part of our marriage, fitness was always a big part of our lives. Over the years, she kept up with running and staying active, but I turned into a lazy couch potato and didn’t even really think much about it. Until today, that is.

Suddenly, today, I realized how sorry I had become and vowed to change. When I saw all these people crossing the finish line, I knew I had to get off the couch and start getting back in shape. When I saw Ceecee a few hundred yards out, my heart just surged. I’ve never felt such pride for her and I couldn’t stop smiling for a lot of the day. The whole thing inspired me beyond belief.

Friday, June 25, 2010

My stepson is sitting beside me as I simultaneously force myself to wear the brave face and quell the overwhelming desire to break down and cry. I can’t believe I am doing this. Right now, I am driving the truck that contains all of my precious wife’s belongings that will go with her to her new apartment. Yes, I am helping her leave me.

Early this morning, we went and picked up the keys to her new place and she was excited. I was devastated, but she didn’t seem to get that. We’ve been married for about thirteen and a half years and I still have no idea how it came to this. Well, actually I do, but I’m still struggling with that. Yes, I messed up, and yes, I hurt her, but that was a long time ago. Why this? Why now?

She finally caught that I was upset and told me not to be. She said I should be happy for her and that she wants to celebrate. I knew she wanted to celebrate, but I couldn’t imagine what that would have to do with me. I said something to that effect and she told me that she wanted us to share the Champagne and strawberries together. That made me feel a little better, but it also confused me to no end. Why are we doing this? She says she needs time. She says she needs space. She says she needs to find herself and figure out what she wants.

I’m not stupid. I know that’s the kind of thing women say when they are having an affair, but that can’t be what’s happening here. Ceecee and I spend almost all of our time together, so she can’t be seeing anyone. I would know. Besides, she promised me years ago that would never happen and I believe her.

Anyway, we went and got the truck, loaded all her things, and now we’re getting close to the parking lot of her apartment building. How can I do this? Why am I doing this? Who helps his wife leave him? A guy who is crazy in love with her and has had his heart radically changed, I guess. That’s me. The guy who loves her more than his own life and would do anything for her.

I’ve been stuck for a while now trying to write the book. I don’t do well with being stuck, so I’m going to start posting again, but these are going to be journal entries from the time before and during the restoration tour. I’m not sure where this is going to go, or how much I’m going to share publicly, but I need to continue to tell the story.

With that in mind, I hope this will appeal to those of you who have been here before and will also draw in a new group of readers. This will be the same story, but told as it happened in more detail than on the original 90 day blog (which was written after the fact). If you find it to be inspiring or helpful, please tell others about it, share it on your social media, re-blog, etc.

I’d also love to hear from you – your thoughts and reactions, good or bad. Thanks in advance for going on this journey.

I’m not sure if they are nationwide, but if you live anywhere in my part of the country, I’m sure you’ve seen those “We buy ugly houses” billboards. They offer quick cash (at very low value) for houses that are fixer uppers, or for people looking for a very fast sale.

Yesterday, I passed one of their billboards that said across the top, “Don’t fix it, sell it.” I couldn’t help thinking how that very attitude is such a large part of the problem we have with so many aspects of our modern American culture.

We’ve become such a throw away society. We buy inexpensive, low quality goods and just replace them when they wear out or break. There’s no reason to value them.

We do the same thing with our relationships – even our marriages. We fall in love, we promise forever, and then we toss it away when it doesn’t make us happy.

“Don’t fix it, sell it” implies that it isn’t worth fixing. That it will take too much work. It will be too difficult. It will take too long.

Just get out and find a new place is the message. Except that nothing other than the physical address will have changed.

Because if you didn’t value the home you had enough to maintain it and to fix what needed fixing, you won’t value the next one either. You’re not solving any problems, you’re just creating a cycle that doesn’t change.

The problem with ending your marriage when it isn’t going well is that you bring the same issues and even more baggage to the next one. You can find another person to take the place of your former spouse, but when you look in the mirror, the same person’s still looking back at you.

So don’t sell it – fix it! When you do, a lot of good things happen.

First of all, you value that person you pledged your life to enough to say, “I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right.” That will bring about a change in the other person, although it may take a while.

Secondly, the time and effort you put into fixing your marriage translates into a much higher level of committment in the future. Easy come, easy go, but when your blood, sweat, and tears have built the house, you don’t just walk away.

Third, and most importantly, you change yourself. You learn to stay and work instead of cutting and running. You break the destructive, “things are never going to change” cycle.

All of these things together add up to both of you getting what you’ve always wanted in the end. This is not a pipe dream, it’s the truth.

If you don’t know how to do this, there are plenty of us who do and will be more than happy to show you the way. Don’t sell it, because you’ll be selling yourself short. Fix it instead. Write me at therestorationtour@gmail.com